I am a… Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse

I am a survivor of and thriver from child sexual abuse. I am strong. I try every day to be kind.

I took the stand as a witness for the prosecution in an historic paedophile trial. I didn’t want to send an elderly man to prison. I wanted him to own what he’d done and seek help and forgiveness. Instead, he hid behind deceit and lies, and he won. He was found unanimously Not Guilty. I was accused of being the liar by the defence team. I didn’t expect that. I’m not a liar.

Having spent forty years coming to terms with my abuse via numerous counsellors and psychotherapists, I then had to come to terms with the verdict from the trial. It has taken time, but I have done so and I believe that the universe has given my justice to another not as strong as me.

I maintain, as I’ve always done, even since childhood, that good people don’t hurt people. I believe only hurt, damaged people, hurt others. And I question the ‘why’? What childhood experience leads us humans to abuse others when we become adults? Why do adults abuse children whether sexually, emotionally and/or physically?  Is it the sense of power over these children and easy access to children? Is it a form of bullying, projecting onto children what happened to us as children? Or is it an addiction, something that some are born with, like other forms of addiction?

I believe wholeheartedly that if a person owns they are having urges or thoughts around abusing or bullying children then they need our kindness and our help. I am not sure what is on offer in terms of rehabilitation and therapy in the prison system for these crimes but, if we really want to stop reoffending and make our island safer for children, this type of service is crucial. I believe that, if these criminals genuinely seek therapeutic help, it would be far more beneficial than longer prison sentences.

Obviously, there will always be those who, as in my experience, hide behind deceit and lies, and they may never own their crimes and may never deserve forgiveness. It is important to remember, though, when we don’t forgive our abuser it is only us as individuals that carry the burden of our past. We need to be kind to ourselves and seek our own help to enable us to forgive and let go.

It could be worse. We could be the ones who abuse.  How awful must that be to live with every day?

#metoo

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